A Letter for Anna
by LaLizi
Summary: A deeper look into the Anna/Bates story, set a couple of weeks before 2X01. Vera's visit and John's deathbed conversation with his mother will be explored. This story functions as a prequel to "How the Story Unfolds". LAST CHAPTER UP - Vera's Plan.
1. Prologue

**I've written an additional story for the Anna/Bates fanfic family. I am still working on my first, "How the Story Unfolds", but I had a burst of inspiration to do this and I couldn't stop. Its almost all completely written, about seven chapters.**

**To understand John and his decisions of 2X01, I felt I needed to explore the weeks leading up to that episode, including Vera's visit and Mrs. Bates' death. **

**I hope you enjoy. We start with a prologue, a glimpse of Anna and John's relationship before he comes back to propose. He's slightly OOC. Perhaps too open to dialogue than his usual reserved self.**

**I do not own any of the characters of Downton Abbey. Julian Fellowes and Carnival own them and it is solely their fault that we are plunged in a dark world waiting for Season 3 and the redemption of one encarcerated John. Free Bates!  
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Anna and Mr. Bates sat in the courtyard as they usually did on summer nights. It was past their usual bedtime, but the breeze was mild and inviting and the conversation light and jovial. Neither wanted to end such a perfect night of happy companionship, and thus, they stayed, talking of everything and nothing. She had a way of making everything better, he noted. There was nothing remarkable happening at Downton these days. The country was plunged in the middle of a nasty war, there were fewer men available at the estate and the news that was coming from the front was not very encouraging, but, at the same time, things at the great house had never been calmer. That is, at least for him and her. They were perched on a crate and she prattled on about some inconsequential happening between Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore and laughed ever so sweetly. Narrated by anyone else in the house, the tale might have been overlooked as too trivial to partake in, but, coming from her, it was highly entertaining and always witty. He always paid attention. It was days like this that he lived for – the quiet company of someone so perfect, so cheerful, so delightful. They were so good together, he mused. Lately, he had resorted to holding her hands and today was no different than any other day. This was what little physical contact he allowed and hers were warm and smooth and felt perfect intertwined in his.

He often thought of and dreamt what it would be like if they were really a couple. They already shared an emotional intimacy, Anna knowing more about him than most others ever had in his lifetime. She had looked past all of it - his deficiencies, his mistakes and his demons and still sought him out. He knew all about her fears, the things that made her sad and her few, but existent, shortcomings. He longed for the physical intimacy, but kept his space. He wanted to kiss her, hold her closely, whisper words of love into her ear, but he controlled himself severely, fully aware that Anna had so much more to lose than he did. She trusted him completely; loved him unconditionally and would give in to whatever he wanted or suggested. Without any hope of fixing his situation with Vera, he could not and would not take her down any path that did not lead to marriage. His deep love for her would dictate his honorability.

As a young man, he had been hot-blooded and would have jumped at the opportunity to bamboozle such a lovelorn lass. He couldn't now fathom what little consideration he had for the young women he'd conned into less than proper situations. He used so many of them and had no regard for them afterwards. Just remembering still made him quiver. How his conscious deteriorated so quickly was quite unbelievable. One month he was quartered at St. Anthony's seminary for men, considering the priesthood, and the next month, he couldn't be dragged out of the local pub, immersed in all sort of vices. Yes, his descent had been quick and he shuddered to think that if he'd met Anna back then, he wouldn't have spared her and she would have been met with the same fate as the others, including Vera. Vera resisted longer than the average girl, but in the end, he'd had her too and perhaps because it did take him longer to convince her, he allowed himself to be pulled into the charade of saving her honor. No, he would never be that man again. Not ever.

He was quite strict with his behavior, but he smiled to himself and remembered mischievously that he'd stolen a kiss once, almost six months ago. He ached for any contact with her and had made it seem like a happy mistake. She was fussing with the lapel of his jacket, as some lint or fuzz had settled there. She had leaned in to make sure it was really gone. He had leaned in to see what she was fussing about. In that instant, both had turned in opposite directions, their lips barely touching. They lingered and he moved in for a quick, chaste peck. He grinned and said sorry with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "_What was that_, _John Bates_?", she had exclaimed just as mischievously, as she smacked him playfully and laughed. It had not been a mistake, but was too quick to fuel any of their pent up desires and they were in a place not conducive to make it go any further. Her lips had been so soft and he longed to do it again, but true to his word, he never did. All he could do was let himself imagine that if they really were a couple, they would spend their leisurely time like this. They would laugh and share stories; they would sometimes kiss or embrace, but always together, always supporting each other. As always, it was nothing more than a dream.

When she finished her story and changed the topic he focused on her again.

"Mr. Bates, how is your mother these days? Have you heard from her?

Anna was always asking about her and he could see that a warm affection had been developed by both women. They'd actually met twice – the first time she'd gone on her own and they had repeated the visit a year later when the family had traveled to London for the first season after the war. It wasn't really a season because all the men had gone away, but they were there enough days to allow them to plan a joint visit. It had been short, but it was the catalyst needed for the two women to come to an undeclared understanding of their roles in his life and he couldn't be happier that it morphed into a respectful and tender bond. He was aware that ever so often, they even exchanged simple letters. Anna had shown him once and they were full of unpretentious and uncomplicated topics.

"I had a letter just yesterday. She's been a little ill and that has me worried. I have a mind to go see her soon."

Anna rubbed his knuckles in reassurance with her dainty little fingers. "I'm sorry to hear that. She didn't tell me. Was she ill when you visited last month?"

"Not ill, really. I saw her more tired than usual and out of breath and it was harder for her to get around. I am much thankful for the nurse that comes to see her every day. I would be much more worried if she was alone with no one to look in on her."

"Doesn't her neighbor check up on her too?"

"Yes, so I know that even if she doesn't want to fuss or let me know that she's not well, Mrs. Garvey will let me know."

"Good." She paused and after sensing his worry added, "You're a good son, you know. My brothers aren't nearly as aware of my mum's needs as you are of hers."

"I wasn't a good son for many years. I was horrible. I will forever regret what I put her through."

"But you are a good son now and she knows it. When we visited last season, I could see how much she adores you. When you left us alone, all she could talk about was you. She is so proud of the man you have become. You should have seen her beam. The way she was talking about you, any stranger would have thought her son was valet to King George himself."

He chuckled at her musing. She had used the slightly cynical tone she so often employed in conversation when she was purposefully trying to make him laugh. It always worked. He understood that she was trying to steer him away from feeling too melancholy.

He acquiesced to her subtle methods and added, "My mother inquired about you too."

"Oh really? How so? What did she say?"

Anna was curious to know what the sweet old lady thought of her. Anna showed restraint in their letters, not wanting to seem overly anxious or silly, but she was very keen in receiving them. She loved the dear old lady and thought that they were somewhat kindred spirits. She'd never confessed and the topic had never been spoken between them, but both women knew what the other was in the life of John Bates and that was enough to bring them together. No words needed to be spoken.

"My mother is quite fond of you."

"I am fond of her", she repeated.

"Her actual words were – 'How is that golden beauty of yours? I will always see her as your darling, sweet Anna.' She added that you radiate sunshine, kindness and love wherever you are and hopes you are well."

Mr. Bates enjoyed seeing how Anna reacted to this description of herself.

"Oh my. Maybe she is ill. She could not have called me that!" Anna exclaimed, quite embarrassed as a blush crept up her cheeks and quickly flushed her face. Her eyes were wide open with a look that could only be described as half horror – half elation. She laughed nervously.

"She did. You have caused quite an impression on her. I can show you the letter tomorrow." Mr. Bates grinned enthusiastically, quite enjoying that he had outwitted Anna into this state.

Anna turned to look at him, still flushed and nervous. She shifted to her eyes down once again and played momentarily with the buttons on her dress, gaining courage to tell him something. She was looking for affirmation from him, something he was not very good at giving. Courage attained, she looked straight his eyes and started, "Am I…." she paused, "….your darling, sweet Anna?" She held his gaze, her eyes imploring him to be truthful.

He realized he had walked straight into this trap, but it was all his doing, as had been the one to utter his mother's words. He could not avoid answering and didn't want to. They weren't a couple and this was delving perilously close to where he didn't want to be, but, she deserved that affirmation. He could never specifically say that he loved her, but, maybe this was close enough and could communicate how precious she really was to him. He could allow this he thought, and without thinking further, he pulled her forward into an embrace and lovingly placed his arms around her middle. She positioned the palms of her hands directly on his chest and her head fit right above them. She was thrilled at the close contact and snuggled her head against his heart as it beat. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, sighed momentarily and confessed, "Yes, you are".

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A/N I hope you like enough to grant me a review. :)


	2. Vera Visits Mrs Bates

**It really bothered me that Vera knew who Anna was during their brief servant's hall showdown. How did she know? It is not made clear at all. I couldn't imagine Mrs. Bates giving them away by talking about it, so, this is my idea of how Vera finds out and how it leads to John's subjugation in the fateful sitting room scene.**

**A lot of the inspiration for this chapter and story in general came by fangirling with Beguilingirl who reviewed my other story. After several emails regarding Downton and plot line commentary, she loved the idea for this story and encouraged me to write it. Thanks!**

**I have no clue how to spell Flintshire as the name used in the series. If I've done it wrong, let me know and I will change it.**

**John's mother's name is never mentioned in the series, but I read a couple of fics where she is named Margaret and the name stuck in my mind (I don't remember which ones, if not I would give you credit, and searching through all of them now seemed daunting….Forgive me and let me know so I can credit properly). She looks like a Margaret to me when I last rewatched S1X07, so, the name stuck.**

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Vera had an arrangement with Mrs. Garvey, the next door neighbor to her aging mother in law. Mrs. Garvey had agreed that if she were ever to think that Mrs. Bates was in any imminent danger, she should send a telegram and Vera would come. She had the same arrangement with John. She was a stout older lady, yet much younger than Mrs. Bates. Prone to romanticism, she somehow believed that Vera was genuinely interested in Mrs. Bates' health. Knowing only that Vera and John were estranged and nothing of what their life together had been, she had the notion that she could bring them together. Vera had led her to believe that the difficulties she an John faced were born from both of them being in service in different households, but, that they could be brought together at Mrs. Bates' passing. She must have been a great actress and feigned duress successfully, because Mrs. Garvey believed it. In actuality, Vera could care less about John or Mrs. Bates. John had been searching for her for a while. She had heard it from old acquaintances. John had written to everybody that had known her, but she asked them to not divulge her whereabouts and they acquiesced, writing back to him with polite apologies and no information. She knew not what he wanted, but, she did not care to talk to him or get involved. She'd had enough of him and their life together and thought that they were best served with distance between them. All she could foresee was that when Mrs. Bates was set to pass, John would inherit her house. She reckoned she was entitled to half of value and she would make sure that she got her fair share of whatever they could get for it. She would definitely make him sell. She had no big plans; all she wanted was the money to start a new life and to get out of service. She had met Mrs. Garvey several times throughout the years and never did Margaret Bates or John himself ever catch wind of how close she actually was.

Vera was working in the London home of the Marquess of Flintshire, and they were somehow related to the Crawley family with whom John worked. She wasn't clear exactly. It appeared John had turned his life around enough and was working as valet to Robert Crawley, the same Lord Grantham for whom he had been a batman during the Boer War. He lived away, in their Yorkshire estate which was plenty good for her. There was less of an opportunity to ever run into him while he was living there. She had acquired that information from Mrs. Garvey as well. It had come quite handy later and she had used his name to get a job with the Flintshire's over a year ago. It came to pass that for all of the familiarity between both households, since the start of the war, neither had entertained the other socially and she had never come across John.

Absent from their lives for years, all would change today. She finally received the telegram from Mrs. Garvey that she had been anticipating for the longest time. It read, "MRS BATES ILL, QUICKLY DETERIORATING. COME WHEN POSSIBLE." That, she did. No sooner than receiving the telegram, she arrived at the old lady's home, knocked, announced herself to the nurse and was ushered in.

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Margaret Bates was ill, she knew she was dying, but she was still lucid. She had been sick for a while; longer than she cared to tell anyone. The Doctor had confirmed her heart was the problem and that she only had a few more days until it gave out. She had lived a full life and was happy to go, but, she knew she wouldn't go until her Johnny came. She would hold on until she could see him again. Her kind neighbor, Mrs. Garvey, had confirmed that a telegram had been dispatched to him, so, he shouldn't be long. She expected he would arrive by tomorrow.

When her nurse, Susan, confirmed that she had a visitor, for a moment she thought it was him and that he had miraculously found a way to make it to her side, but she was quickly corrected and it was confirmed that Vera, her daughter in law, was there to see her. If her heart hadn't already started to fail, she was sure the news of Vera's visit might have been the cause of it. She didn't really want to see her, as there were many things she regretted, but, she would for him. If anything, she needed to make sure she obtained her promise to not disappear, perhaps a promise to divorce her son, or at least an address where he could contact her and pursue their issue further.

Vera came straight in, head held high in certain defiance. She had aged, was a little stouter, but was still a beauty. Her Johnny had always been drawn to the pretty lasses and Vera was among the prettiest of those he had met. From a modest working family, young Vera was vivacious, bold, and very charming, but she was too adventurous and avaricious for her own good. How they ended up together, she would never understand, for, although Johnny liked the excitement, he was rather intellectual and he needed somebody whom he could spend hours talking too and who would not be bored by his philosophical conversations. That was not Vera. She'd always had many suitors, so, why she wanted her son was a mystery to her. They were not meant for each other and told him several times, but, he didn't listen and before she knew it, they had eloped. She hadn't even been present. He was her only son and she had been denied the opportunity to attend his wedding. That was the start of his downfall, of his rapid descent into the oblivion that became his life. That was all part of the past, though. Now Vera was here with her.

She positioned herself at the foot of the bed, holding onto the wrought iron footboard. "Mother Bates, I hear you are ill." The cynicism in her tone was quite apparent to John's mother.

"Yes. I've not much time left." She paused, trying to phrase her next sentence correctly so that it would not be misconstrued. "I would have never expected to get a visit from you."

"Well, I heard you were not well and I thought I should come. Even though you hate me, I am still married to John and thought it was my _duty_ to see you." Mrs. Bates noticed how she had emphasized the word duty. She had never been good at being dutiful, but Mrs. Bates would rather not dwell on that any further. She shook her head to deny the accusation and added in a sincere voice, "Vera, I have never hated you."

The sincerity in Mrs. Bates voice rattled Vera. She had come prepared to possibly upset the old lady, or at least defend her rights to the property, but, the kindness was unsettling. She countered, still defiantly, "You spoke ill about me to John many times. I made your son go to prison for me. You refused to let me live with you. Of course you hate me."

With the same sincerity and a melancholy voice, she answered Vera, "I never spoke ill about you to John. I did counsel him against marrying you because your temperaments were so different. It was nothing against you. I just thought that with your energy, John would tire out and you would never understand his intellectual side. Was I wrong?"

Vera would never agree to her directly, but the old woman was right. They had bored of each other rather quickly. She just stared ahead, not wanting the old woman to see any emotion from her and wanting to passively listen what was said.

Mrs. Bates continued. "I don't appreciate that he went to jail and the role you played in getting him there, but, in the end, it made him a better man. He was not a good husband. I can see that. I will not defend him blindly against you." She became a little agitated as she said the next words. "I have always regretted pushing you away when John was sent to jail. I was very hurt and was not thinking right. I hope someday you can forgive me for that. Truly, you must know, I do not hate you."

Vera came expecting a bitter old woman, but Margaret Bates was not bitter towards her. She was quite the opposite and it made her nervous. Vera had remained standing up until now, not willing to sit down.

"Vera, won't you sit and keep me company for just a little while? We need to talk some more." She gestured for her to take the chair closest to her right side, just beyond her bedside table.

Once Vera was sitting comfortably, she noted regarding John's absence. "I supposed that I would run into John here. Is he not coming?" After Mrs. Bates apology, she had changed her tone for normal conversation.

"I suspect that he will be here by tomorrow morning. Do you want to see him?

"Well, I've heard that he's been looking for me."

"He has….For several years now. After he was released from jail, we knew not where to find you. Where have you been, child?"

Vera could not believe that Margaret Bates was being affectionate and had actually referred to her as "child". The truth was, her life had been miserable with John. When they married, she thought that they would have a good life. She wanted to love him and tried, but she couldn't achieve it. He was clever and dashing and her decision to marry him was rather impromptu and after it happened, she couldn't help thinking she had settled for him. He went off to fight the war, but, his experiences there, and his injury, returned him a battered man. She tired of his philosophies of life and was bored with his conversations. He wanted to talk about what he saw, but she didn't want to know. He was always prone to drinking and started heavily when he came back. It only got worse. He didn't become an officer as she expected - his drunkenness and injury got in the way. They quarreled much, often ending in verbally abusive fights. He would spend most of his money on fueling his desire to forget, spending all of his evenings with anyone willing to lend him an ear and offer him the solace he needed. She often went without meals and finally resorted to escorting men to see if she could feed herself. He was too drunk to notice. She eventually bedded a few of these men, making money in the process. She came to prefer their company to his. She even made some of them her lovers, herself needing to forget the hell they were in. She started stealing petty items and she found it thrilling. Her thefts became more audacious and she thought she was invincible. Her biggest opportunity came when she started working in the army barracks, helping at special events. She pilfered often, but nobody took notice, until they did. She took the silver, thinking she could get away with it, but, her world came crashing down. She conned him into going to jail for her. He naturally did it because he felt guilty over the life he had given her.

She never once when to visit him in jail and thus, he knew very little of what she had needed to do to keep herself alive. It was rightly so that he should go for her. She thought that once he was in jail, she might be able to improve her life, but that was not the case. She had lost her place to live when he had been taken away, unable to pay the rent. Her mother in law refused to take her in. She slept in people's houses by their good mercy, but, all her acquaintances soon tired of her. She met a man, lived with him for a while, but, he was as worthless as John had been, except he was worse and beat her. She left, spent a few nights on the merciless street and finally met another man who was much kinder and saw something in her. She could almost say she loved this one. Almost. She was with him for over a year. He was also a drunkard, but, he was a kind drunkard, the type who cries and sings when he's had too much to drink. He was sweet to her, but he was murdered in a bar brawl and for the first time in her life, she felt sorrow. He didn't have much, but, the time she spent with him and the belonging of his that she sold had been enough for her to get her bearings and eventually find a position in service. IT wasn't the perfect job. She hated to work so many hours, but, at least she was no longer on the street. She had a bed, had meals and had an occupation in a somewhat grand house. Still, she dreamed of a better life and sharing the inheritance with John was her way out.

She thought of what to say to Mrs. Bates and opted for a neutral "Oh, I've been here and there." They had no right to know anything about her and she very well determined that she would control what information they had of her.

Mrs. Bates turned to look at her intently and her face shown with genuine concern. She reached out to Vera, the distance only allowing her to place her hand on her knee.

"Vera, I am sorry my son didn't give you a better life. I have seen with my own eyes what a failure of a man he was." Mrs. Bates _was_ sincere. Even though Vera had never been right for her son, he had made the commitment to her. They both made horrible mistakes and she was to blame for his jail time, but, would things have been different if John had not turned to drinking? She often thought that while Vera was indeed a nasty piece of work, the experiences alongside her son had made her out to be worse than she would have been had John been a different man.

This also shocked Vera greatly. Was Mrs. Bates apologizing? She didn't know what to say to that. It warmed her to know that John's own mother realized how horrible he had been towards her. She was trying to determine how to best answer, when the nurse came in to check up on Mrs. Bates. She stayed silent and was happy that the nurse urged Mrs. Bates to take a nap. Apparently, even though Mrs. Bates seemed well, their conversation had an agitating effect and the nurse administered a remedy which Vera assumed to be some sort of sleep agent.

Before Mrs. Bates could fall asleep, she looked at Vera again. "Vera, John needs to talk to you. He's no longer the man he was. He no longer drinks and is greatly reformed. Please don't disappear. Will you wait until I wake up? We need to talk some more."

Vera said she would wait and Mrs. Bates succumbed to sleep that was overcoming her rapidly. Vera had not counted on staying this long and sitting through her nap, but, was intrigued about where the conversation was heading and she still had to gauge what could be useful within the house for her to sell. She decided to make her time there constructive. If John would not be around until tomorrow, this would be the perfect time for her make a mental inventory of what she would like to keep.

Seeing that Mrs. Bates was asleep, it was only a few minutes later that the daft nurse said she needed to do a quick errand and if she minded staying with her. The nurse thought that as her daughter in law, surely there would be no problem. "Of course not. Go ahead dearie", confirmed Vera, thinking that this would give her more unsupervised time to snoop. She was left alone in the house quite quickly and for a convenient amount of time. She opened all the cabinets, dressers and drawers and was finally drawn to the small writing desk in the parlor. In one of the drawers, she found several letters in their corresponding envelopes. They were all addressed and only lacking stamps. She was satisfied to discover that none of them were sealed and that to read them she would not have to resort to trickery.

She went through each one, thinking that it was her right to get as much Information as she could. Most were to cousins and relatives of John back in Ireland and were very uneventful and full of sorrowful quick goodbyes. Another was to her solicitor regarding some odd business of the house. It didn't help her much, so, she let it be. The last, though, was very intriguing. It was for an Anna Smith, addressed to Downton Abbey, the same place her husband worked. It was a very long letter, and as she started reading, could not have been more surprised at the content.

_My dearest Anna,_

_Can I call you that? I know I should write to you as Miss Smith, but, you are so dear to my heart that it would only be appropriate for me to reflect it in the way I refer to you. Forgive me if this letter is too much. I feel it is not, but, if it is, surely you could forgive this dying old woman?_

_I write to you now, as my last days are close at hand. Yes, I am dying, but you will not receive this letter until I have gone. The Lord will call me to him soon, but not before I can finish this letter and respectfully say some things to you that are long overdue. Allow me to say that from the moment I met you, just over two years ago, I knew that you were something special. You are a girl of modest upbringing, yet so refined and graceful. Besides beautiful, you are courageous, determined, sensible and passionate. If any of my baby girls had made it to adulthood, I so wish that they could have been like you. I'm sure you have your faults, but, I've not seen them yet, so, I will go to my grave thinking that you are the epitome of loveliness in this otherwise desolate world at war. Do not be embarrassed at these words I profess. To me, you are all of that and more._

_You must be asking yourself why I think this. I will tell you. I so appreciate how you took it upon yourself to get the truth about my Johnny and save his post and I will forever be delighted that you accompanied him for an additional visit during the Crawley's last London season. (How wonderful that Lady Mary and Lord Grantham would allow you an afternoon off together so that I could see you!) Your polite and cheerful letters have also helped this old woman pass the time, contented to have made a new friend. For all of this I am grateful, but, this letter and the love in my heart will NEVER be enough to tell you, truly, how I appreciate your most important deed – bringing life back to my Johnny._

_Johnny went to jail a battered, bitter, broken man. He was only a shadow of the little boy I raised. If you could have known Johnny as a child – you would have seen he was such a delight. He was clever, kind, mischievous and loving. As our only baby to make it through to adulthood, his papa and I doted on him. I will forever be thankful to the Lord that his father never lived to see the decline of his dear boy. It was so gradual that it took me a while to see that it had happened. I will not speak ill of Vera, but will say that their being together was a big mistake. She brought out the worst in him. He is not blameless in what their relationship was like; he had lost his control during the war and his injury destroyed his self-worth. Drinking was inevitable. Many in my family took to the bottle to ease their pains and Johnny was no different. Their life together was a nightmare. It hurt me to see that he did not have a relationship like his father and I had. Little by little, the life drained from him. He developed a bitter, biting tongue. I tried to speak to him, but my Johnny had disappeared and in his place was a hollow, worthless man – one I could not recognize as my son. As a mother, I loved him and continued to love him all the while he was in jail. As much as I hated to see him there, jail was his saving grace. I visited as often as I could and saw that he was pulling himself together. He changed, left the bottle and became more sensible, and resolute. I am so proud that he managed to turn his life around. I was even prouder when he became Lord Grantham's valet and he seemed to finally put some order in his life. He was a changed man, rightly honorable. He adopted a strict sense of morality, keeping himself in check, not allowing himself to stray far from his self-imposed guidelines. This job brought back purpose and the self-worth that had been lacking. Still, my Johnny was missing. _

_All of that changed when you came into his life. I have no right to presume what your feelings are, as you've not communicated or inferred anything, but a mother knows and I will dare say this now. I saw the love you have for him. It was clear in your eyes when you both visited together. That was the confirmation I needed, as I had already guessed as much when you visited me the first time, championing my Johnny at the great house. My dear girl, he has changed - and I know it is because of you. I have seen him smile and the boyish joy is back. Do you know what it is for a mother to look into her boy's eyes and see the sparkle again? The last time I saw that sparkle was before his papa died, when he was still a young, happy lad. You brought it back. Of that, I have no doubt. _

_Please know that you have made a difference in his life and in mine. Just as I saw the look of love in your eyes, I saw the look in his. He adores you and it so pleased me to see it in person - to see you together and so in love. The first time I realized it, it must have been a little after your first visit to me. When I asked about you and inferred that there might be an ulterior motive for your coming to visit me, he simply grinned and his face flushed lightly, embarrassed to be asked by his mother. He brushed me off, answering something about you two just being good friends. Even after he gave that short answer, the smile stayed on his face and his mind went elsewhere. I know full well where it had gone… it had gone to think of you. Then last year, I saw you together. That was a joy for this worried mother. But the confirmation came just recently. He visited me briefly last month when Lord Grantham came to town. He kissed and hugged his mama with the joy I hadn't seen in ages. He talked of his life in Downton and all of the other servants. Your name was mentioned. Again – I witnessed the sparkle and grin. I've never heard him talk about anyone the way he talks about you. I dared ask him if he loved you. He was surprised at my frankness, but he could not deny it. He sheepishly and barely affirmed it, but he did. I don't know if he's told you or if this is a surprise. If it is, I am sorry to overstep, as you should have heard it from him, but, I cannot see how he would have been able to keep it in. Somebody as lovely as you deserves to know such things._

_So, you see my dear, to witness him so happy, in love and reformed makes me happy and it allows me to die happy. You have made a difference in my life because I could never leave this world unless I saw that my Johnny was back. You make it possible for this old woman to leave, happily assured that regardless of what happens in the future, Johnny has found the ability to love and live again._

_I know not what your future may bring, because while John and Vera are still married, you cannot be together. I lament that I could not see you joined properly before I go, but I often dream of it. Forgive me dear for presuming you would have him or for presuming that he would dare ask. Again, a mother senses things and I believe that if he ever asked, you would have him. I also feel that if he could, he would have already asked you. Given his current situation, Johnny will likely never feel worthy of you and I know that he will never compromise you in any manner until he can offer you something proper. He's told me so. My poor boy thinks he has nothing to offer, but he will. I want to make sure of that. John does not know it yet, but, I am leaving him a sizeable amount of money. Careful spending has allowed me to maintain much of what Johnny's papa left me when he died. I dare say, that it will be enough to pay for a divorce and a little more. I know he wants it and Vera shouldn't mind giving it to him. Perhaps she too can rebuild her life. I want her too. I think she deserves to be happy as well and hope that both of them can come to a happy understanding. I am Irish and Catholic and have been raised to not believe in divorce, but, I have born witness to my Johnny's entire life and can earnestly say that I don't care anymore. I just want to see him content and I know that he will never truly achieve it unless you two can be together. _

_So, my dear Anna, as his mother, know that you have my love, my support and my eternal thanks. When Johnny can make your union happen, I will no longer be a part of this earth, but know that I will be looking down upon you, blessing you completely. I mourn now that I could not see you again before I leave and that I had to write this instead of saying it. Perhaps it is better – I could not bear it if anything I wanted to say embarrassed you. Please know that if my Johnny loves you, then, I love you. I now leave this earth with the vision of you as my dearest future daughter-in-law._

_With much love,_

_Margaret Bates_

_P.S. Do not feel like you have to share this letter with John. If you want to, that is fine, but, if you don't want to, it will be our little secret._

Her first reaction was to laugh. So, the sneaky devil is in love with a certain Anna Smith of Downton Abbey. How cozy. He was also reformed, conforming to some version of what a perfectly bred gentleman should be. "Ha…" she exclaimed, "John an honorable man? He was never honorable when I knew him."

The laugh started to wane when she realized why John had been looking for her. It hit her suddenly. The bastard wants a divorce so that he can remarry the uncompromised Anna. She became immediately enraged when she compared their two situations. He hasn't compromised her? How dare he be so proper? She remembered how he had shown no propriety when he courted her and wouldn't relent. He continuously badgered her to give him what he wanted. What made this other woman so different to her? She recalled the moment when she had finally given in. He became somewhat aloof and she doubted he might marry her. She forced them to elope. She had settled for him, worried that she might be with child. She wasn't, but she was stuck.

Vera was even more upset when she read that Mrs. Bates had called Anna Smith her future daughter-in-law. All this time the old woman was apologizing to her and trying to get on her good side. For a moment, she almost bought it. She almost thought the old woman really might have been worried for her. It now seemed that it had been a strategy for Mrs. Bates and that in all likelihood, she could care less about her. They were already discarding her, assuming that she would go quietly and let him be happy. He had ruined her life and forced her on to the streets. How dare he dream of a life with this tramp? She was a tramp, uncompromised or not. Falling in love with a married man was a morally grievous matter. Her laugh came back as she realized that his life was in her hands and that she would make sure that John was never happy. He had no right to be. She had nobody, so he would have nobody. He ruined her life, so, she would ruin his. She was miserable and he would be miserable right alongside her.

And then she remembered the story about Lady Mary of the Crawley family and a certain Turkish diplomat. She had managed to gain that information surreptitiously and knew that someday, it would be of use to her. If it had circulated in the great house she was working in and if Lady Flintshire had done nothing to quell the story, then it was true. It really wasn't important if it was true or not, the issue was it was scandalous and as far as she had heard, Lady Mary needed her maid to drag the body across the house. That maid had to be Anna Smith. Mrs. Bates herself mentioned her association with Lady Mary. How perfect! She didn't know yet how she would exact her revenge on John, or how she would use the information, but they would definitely go hand in hand. She also knew with great certainty that she wouldn't let him be happy….. and then she remembered Mrs. Bates talked about money….. a sizeable sum. That was enough for one day and she determined that she'd had enough of this house and Mrs. Bates. She would leave and start to put together her plan.

She scribbled the address she wanted them to think where she could be reached and left it at the desk. It belonged to a friend and she didn't want them to know where she really was. She took the letter addressed to Miss Smith and was about to put it back in the envelope and in the drawer when she stopped herself. Putting it back? No, that wouldn't do. She never received this type of affection from Margaret Bates when she was properly his wife, so, Anna would not either. She folded it and put it away deep in her purse. Anna would never get this letter. She would not allow it.

Just then, the nurse arrived and Vera announced she was leaving. The nurse was perplexed, having heard Vera promise Mrs. Bates that she would stay. Vera mentioned leaving her address, pointed to where it had been left and gave no further explanation. She parted hastily, happy to know that maybe her life would take that happy turn that she had hoped.

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A/N - We all have our versions of Vera, some more horrible than others. THis is mine. I hope you like this chapter, which is LONG... Let me know if you did. Please review!


	3. John Receives a Telegram

**This is the last installment of light fluff before we deal with Mrs. Bates in London.****  
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When the telegram from Mrs. Garvey was finally handed to John, it was early evening and he no longer could catch a train to London. The message read, "MRS BATES DETERIORATING. COME QUICK" His heart leapt with fear and the immediate longing to see his dear mother. Had it arrived an hour earlier, he might have still been able to put together a quick bag and rush out to the station to catch the last train. It was too late now to dwell on that and seeing how none of the Crawley's cars were available to transport him immediately, he reconciled himself to wait until tomorrow. He hoped that by taking the morning's first train, he could be home by noon and hopefully still catch her alive.

He had already arranged for a trip within the next fortnight with Mr. Carson and his Lordship. He had explained that she was ill and that he sensed her time was coming. Thus, when he arrived with a telegram in hand, neither one hesitated to allow him to leave as early as he could possibly manage. He was feeling very sad; the realization of what lay ahead bearing down on his heart. Now, he only had to find Anna and tell her. If he had any chance of making it through the night, he would need to see her. Only her smile and sweet disposition could make him feel better. She always had the perfect words to say, the ideal encouragement at hand.

At supper time, Anna noticed he was more reserved than usual. He hardly looked up to smile at her and didn't react to any of the staff shenanigans that were the norm for their shared meals. She didn't know what was happening to him, but was happy when he signaled to her that they should meet outside. As soon as she was free to leave, she moved to the courtyard in haste, sensing that something was not at all right.

He was there, in their favorite spot, perched on a tower of crates that were set far against one of the outer walls. She made her way to that corner and placed herself right alongside him. Having held his emotions for several hours, with her next to him, he felt he could not continue his façade. When she turned to face him, she could see one lone tear escaping his eye and making its way down his cheek.

"Mr. Bates, whatever is the matter?", she exclaimed as she lovingly wiped away the tear and cupped his cheek. She could only imagine it might have something to do with his mother. He would often get emotional when he spoke of her, his bitter regret of what she had been forced to endure, heavy on his mind. She'd been sick lately too.

"I received a telegram from mother's neighbor. Her end is here. I am going to London at first light tomorrow and hope that I can catch her in time."

"Oh Mr. Bates, I am so sorry. I know how much you love her." Another tear escaped his eye and she lovingly tended to it too. She felt her eyes getting moist, but fought to control her emotions. She couldn't tell him how sad she was, for Anna could not help but see the dear sweet lady as her mother in law. As such, the loss was great for her as well. She would always be happy to have met her, but would always regret that life had not allowed them time to get more acquainted. She quickly composed herself and she realized he needed her strength. She could not falter now.

On instinct, she reached for his face and guided his entire head towards her. "Come", she said. They both shifted to allow a more natural positioning, and the crates allowed him to rest his upper body against her. A slight as she was compared to him, she was able to lean against the wall to better able support his weight. He had his back to her and his head was lying on the crook of her shoulder. She suddenly found herself cradling him, wrapping her arms around him. To her surprise, he was allowing himself to be held and comforted.

John felt that, short of being in London with his mother, there was no place he would rather be. He would have never allowed this closeness before, but, her strength, her tranquility and her wisdom was what he needed at this moment. This was the most intimate and agreeable moment they had ever shared and regardless of whatever happened between them in the future, he would forever remember how loving and soothing her embrace had been.

His mind shifted to thoughts of his mother. "Anna, what if I am too late and I don't get to tell her how much I am sorry for what I put her through?"

"I am sure she knows. You've told her before, haven't you?" She was holding him as tight as she dared, hoping he felt all the love and warmth that she was trying to convey.

"I have."

"Then she knows – and you can still tell her. She'll hear you wherever she is. But, don't fret about that. She's long forgiven you. I rather think that she wants to die happy, thinking that you are well and that you have finally found your place in this world. I am not a mother, but, if I was and if I was dying, I would want to know that my child would be fine, that he would be loved and that he was happy. I would want to be reassured that I did a good job and that he didn't need me anymore and that I could go in peace."

He conceded that she was right. "You are so wise. That is certainly what I ought to tell her." He found her tiny hand and squeezed it.

"What would you say? Practice with me." He couldn't see her, but she blushed thinking she might have overstepped and that he wouldn't want to share his most intimate thoughts regarding his mother.

As private as he was, he didn't seem to mind. Not this time. He sighed and paused before answering. "I'll tell her that she can rest assured that I have found purpose and love in my life. I've made a lot of mistakes but for the first time, the road ahead is clearer than it has ever been. I'll tell her I've never been happier than I am at this moment and that she needn't worry about me anymore. She saw me through my worst and can leave, seeing me at my best. That is what I will tell her."

She shivered lightly when he said he had found love in his life. He had never dared to use that word before. Not Ever. She hoped he had not noticed her response. The tears threatened to come, as she supposed that he could only be talking about her. She stifled them again, wanting this evening to be about him and his needs. Yet, this had been a most audacious evening for her, what with her taking the initiative to cradle him, and asking him to practice what he'd say to his mother. Their increasing emotional intimacy was making her very bold. So, she was audacious yet again, and asked:

"_Are you happy_, Mr. Bates?"

He was so at peace and the moment so perfect, that he answered what was in his heart.

"Yes, Anna. I am happy." The though lingered in his mind and after a mild pause, added, "You make me happy."

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A/N: I realize that this chapter is similar to the prologue and I tried to rewrite it some so that it wasn't. It still is very similar, but I love it and I hope you do to. We are moving into John and his mother next... Please tell me what you think. :)


	4. John and his Mother

**I originally intended to split this chapter in two because it is long, but decided against it because it is a deathbed conversation and it needs to flow smoothly.**

**I really love this chapter and I hope you do too.  
**

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John took the 6am train and made his way to London as quickly as he could. When he arrived at his mother's modest house, he was relieved to discover that she was still very much alive. She was weakening quickly, but, he had managed to make it in time to see her.

The doctor had just visited with her and was making his way out of the house. John was able to converse about the progression of her illness and what he could expect in the following hours. The doctor was certain that she would not make it beyond today or tomorrow and reassured John that her passing would be peaceful. Her heart would simply stop. Although it pained John to discuss his mother's imminent demise, he was relieved that if it should happen, that it would be as serene as possible and with him by her side.

He was also introduced to Susan, the visiting nurse in charge of her care. She was young, but with a sweet disposition and after a quick chat, he surmised that his mother had been tended to very well. His neighbor, Mrs. Garvey had come out to her front yard and he was able to thank her for the telegram notification. He also discovered that Mrs. Garvey had been thoughtful enough to bring over some meat pie and vegetables for them to eat, keenly aware that he wouldn't have time to deal with that sort of thing. He would have to remember to thank her adequately when all of this was over.

As he waved the doctor off and thanked Mrs. Garvey for her troubles, he heard her calling. "Johnny, is that you?" She must have heard him talking in the yard. He raced to see her; acutely aware that time was not on their side.

"I am here mum."

He quickly went to her, kissing her and hugging her effusively. She responded by patting him affectionately on his cheeks. She seemed to be in good spirits. He had expected to see her worse than she appeared – he imagined her barely lucid and sleeping, yet she was smiling and her gentle eyes had the appearance of peace and happiness. She did not look like somebody preparing to leave this world.

"Sit with me darling, here on the bed." She patted the spot next to her, indicating where she wanted him. He hesitated initially because of his size, the smallness of the bed and his inability to fully stretch his leg, but he knew that he would not upset her now. If she wanted him there, he would go.

HE found a way to fit them both and he could see that she was comforted by having him so close. She was sitting, propped up by a handful of pillows. He had his back against the headboard and she was slight leaning on him. He had pulled the chair that was in the room and laid it flush against the bed and this had given him the extra space he needed to stretch his leg.

"How are you feeling mum?"

"I'm very weak Johnny. I'm always feeling tired."

"Are you in pain?"

"No, not in pain. Sometimes I feel I can't breathe is all. Sometimes I feel I might faint."

"What can I do to make it better?"

"It is better - just by you being here. You needn't fuss over me dear. I'm fine. We need to talk. I'll feel better if I know that I have said my piece."

"I have so many things that I want to say too."

"I know darling, but let me start. This you'll want to know. Vera was here yesterday. She just turned up and paid me a visit".

John had been quite relaxed as he lay with his mother, but at the mention of Vera's name, he tensed and his voice became agitated.

"Vera was here? What did she say? Will she be back?"

"I'm not sure she'll be back. We spoke a while. She thought I hated her and I told her I didn't. I asked her to forgive me for not allowing her to stay with me while you were in prison. She was quite civil."

"Did she say where she lives or how I can reach her?"

"I was going to ask her, but Susan brought one of my remedies, the one that makes me so sleepy and couldn't help napping. She promised to stay, but when I woke, she was gone. I wanted to know more about her, but it was not to be. She left her address on my writing desk. I haven't seen it, but Susan told me." She sighed contentedly, happy to provide him with the result of what he had known to be his long search. "You finally have an address, John."

At first he was speechless, then he to breathed a sigh of relief. His was so audible, that she heard it and could not help commenting further.

"What do you intend to do, my dear boy?"

He knew what he wanted, but, he could not say it for fear of upsetting her. He longed for a divorce that could free him from his binds, but, as a Catholic, she opposed the concept. He had never mentioned it to her candidly, and he wasn't sure if she understood that it was what he desired most. He stuttered and hesitated and she spoke again.

"Just say it darling, don't be afraid of shocking me. You want a divorce, don't you?"

He couldn't deny his mother, not now. He would tell her everything she wanted or needed to know.

"Yes, Mum." I want a divorce. Does that upset you?"

"Maybe it would have years ago. But, I won't be around much longer, so, I can't say that I won't approve. If you want to divorce Vera, your mum won't make it difficult for you."

He planted the sweetest kiss on her temple, his slight emotion taking over briefly.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me. I've caused you so much pain through the years, that I couldn't bear it if this upset you."His voice cracked, the emotion starting to seep through. "You know how sorry I am mum, about the whole thing? About ignoring you, taking to the bottle, about bringing Vera into our lives, of going to jail, of disappointing you and father? I am so sorry for all of it. I was nothing but a substandard son. You deserved better. "

"I know Johnny. I forgave you a long time ago. Even if you weren't sorry about it, I would have forgiven you because that is what mothers do. I am so proud of the man you have become. I've been telling you since you were a young lad to mind your honor and you have achieved that. You are most honorable in everything you do. Your reformation, this change that you have done all on your own, reaffirms the faith I had that everything would be all right. In a way, the trials and tribulations you have faced have made you a better man now, maybe better than the man that could have been without them. I love you so much and I will die happy, knowing that I don't have to worry about you anymore. In fact, I haven't been worried in a while. You are going to be all right."

With her words, his eyes had started to water and the tears had fallen down his cheeks. It didn't go unnoticed and she shifted to embrace him. It didn't matter that he was taller and bigger, and a full grown man. To her, he would always be her little boy and she relished that she had him as she wanted him, fully needing his mother.

He was happy to embrace her too. She had been the only constant source of support in his entire life and he could not have asked for a better mother.

"Mum, Thank You. With all the grief I put you through; I don't think that I could have ever asked for a better mother. I cannot remember a time when you weren't supportive or looking out for my best interest. My reformation, this change in me….. I drew my strength from seeing you, as I couldn't have had a superior model from whom to pattern myself after. I don't think that I could have survived jail without you. Please know that you were an amazing mother and a good friend. It will be hard to live my life knowing that you are no longer in it."

Tears were still streaming down his cheeks and his voice had been shaky throughout the whole speech.

"Thank you Johnny", she said with a faltering voice. "I think I need to sleep now. I hadn't in a while before you arrived, but don't you worry. I haven't finished with what I want to say. I won't be gone yet." He helped her shift back onto her pillows and further down so that she could rest. "Please don't go. Stay with me", she managed to add as she drifted off into a restful slumber.

* * *

John had intended to stay awake, but, the comfort of his mother next to him, the emotionality of the day and his pre-dawn awakening rendered him exhausted and he succumbed to the sweetest sleep. When his mother slightly stirred beside him, he awoke and blissfully recollected that he had dreamt. It was a surprise because for years he could not remember any dreams that were pleasant. Most of those he remembered were always nightmares- scenes of his days incarcerated or of the days of hopeless abandon he had surrendered during his alcoholic stupor. This dream was brief, but happy. He had pictured his mother, Anna, children that seemed to be theirs and himself on a picnic in a beautiful garden. Anna was laughing as the smallest children ran chasing butterflies. His mother was squeezing his hand, happily taking in his happy, serene life. It was a beautiful dream, but, a dream nonetheless.

He noted a couple of hours had passed, yet there was still light out. His mother still breathed and he felt relieved that he could have more time with her. A short while later, she opened her eyes and smiled placidly. She was pleased that he was there, right next to her. She took his hand and said, "I am so happy you are here with me, my dearest boy."

He squeezed her hand and answered, "I wouldn't be anywhere else mum."

"Help me sit up again." He could tell her breathing was difficult as he propped the pillows to support her in a more upright position. She took a moment to settle herself and he could tell she was well awake. She looked at him intently, with great purpose and a direct gaze that he could not look away from... It reminded him of the inordinate amount of times that she'd had a reason to talk to him sternly. Yet, this time it was different. When she spoke, her voice was both feeble, yet solid.

"John, your mother is not daft. You may not say much when you visit, but I can see things. I've not that much time left, and I will not remain guessing any more. Tell me now, in the plainest terms possible, why you want a divorce from Vera."

John had already confessed on a recent trip that he loved Anna, but was so meager in the information he provided to his mother, that he could not blame her that she would want to know more. He couldn't deny her now, especially if it made her happy.

"Mum, I want a divorce from Vera because I want to marry Anna."

Margaret Bates grinned widely and her eyes twinkled and John was surprised that in her condition, she could muster that type of response.

"I already knew it, but I wanted to hear you say it." She winked at him mischievously.

"You approve, then?"

"Nothing would make me happier." She paused trying to focus. "When I counseled you against Vera, so long ago, I did it because I could see that neither of you were meant for the other. When you and Anna visited together last year, one look is all it took for me to know that she is the one that was intended for you. You were both meant to be together. I could not counsel you against her, because I believe her to be perfect for you.…..and… a mother knows these things. "

His eyes sparkled when she said that.

"I am very grateful that you like her. It would have broken my heart if you didn't approve."

"I more than like her. I am very fond of her."

"Anna is very fond of you too mum. She asked me to send you her love. She is praying for you."

Margaret Bates reflected on the last statement and corrected herself, very resolutely. "Blessed Child. Yes, love is a better word. I am more than fond of her. I love her, really. What mother wouldn't when she sees her son so happy? She brought back the joy in your life and the sparkle in your eyes. She is your perfect complement and she couldn't come in a nicer package. You need a pretty lass like her to keep your attention and her disposition is so sweet and caring. If you hadn't already thought of marrying her, I would have campaigned and meddled for it to happen." She pinched him to make her point.

John chuckled.

"I want to know about your plans. I want to know about her. Tell me everything you can and don't leave anything out."

Sharing information was not in his nature, but he resolved to be what she needed him to be tonight and for her, he did.

"I think I've loved her since I set eyes on her, but I tried to avert any attachment, as I am, after all, married. It was in vain, mother, for she is the embodiment of everything that is good, fair and just. In her young age, she carries herself so properly and is among the wisest of persons. You are also right, she is a pretty lass, but, she is so much more than that. If you could see how she cares about everybody, is nurturing and is so selfless, you would realize how lucky I truly am that she selected me above all others. She chose me, mother. She saw something in me, something I had never seen myself and she has never allowed for me to push her away. I don't think I could have prevented falling in love with her, for she is a force of nature and quite tenacious."

John took a breath, but continued.

"Our life in service does not make it easy for us to spend time together openly and freely. I am very conscious of how easily I can ruin her reputation, so, rest assured mother, that I am doing everything as properly as I can. You know what a hot-blooded young man I used to be, but that is in the past. I can tell you that I will not jeopardize her or my post with any brash behaviors. We sometimes share a conversation in the courtyard alone, but, most likely, you would find us in the servant's hall eating our meals together, discussing a book or sharing the news of the war. We often work in silence, Anna mending something of the girls and I polishing something of his Lordship's. It is in the most mundane of daily events that I want her near me and I can honestly say that I don't think I could ever live my life without her. Not anymore."

Up until now, he hadn't focused on his mother. He had been so happy talking about Anna, that the happiness had not allowed him to see the tears that were streaming down her face. When he saw them, he was worried.

"Mother, what is the matter?" he was a little scared to see her react like that.

"Nothing is the matter, my darling. I am just so pleased. I have prayed to the Lord that this would happen to you and that he not take me until I could be sure that there would be somebody to care of you when I was gone. Somebody has to take my place and that is Anna. I now understand why my time has come. The Lord has made good on our deal and I leave happy. I leave content in the knowledge that you will experience love to the fullest expression and that you have found the loveliest, worthiest person to share it with. I die in peace."

He kissed his mother's hair and temple tenderly and embraced her as gently as he could.

"John, you silly boy. You've still not shared what your plans are. Tell me." John couldn't help but think that just now she had sounded like a juvenile, excited schoolgirl. It was sweet.

"Mum, I haven't wanted to make any plans. Until you told me about Vera today, I really couldn't. I've had nothing to offer her except for the promise that I have been searching for Vera, but, we've not discussed anything at all. I've never even told her that I love her, as I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep."

"What do you mean you've not told her you love her?" Mrs. Bates brow furrowed in the process.

"I haven't. It didn't seem fair to tie her down until I was sure that I could offer her anything. Even now that we finally know where Vera is, I have my doubts that I can offer her anything at all. Even if Vera was amenable to a divorce, I don't have the money that it would take to pay solicitors to get it done. This could drag on in the courts for years if I tried to pay for it with my valet's salary. I truly love her, but is it fair for her to have to wait that long? She deserves a family and if she can have that with somebody else, I would never stop her."

Mrs. Bates demeanor changed to that of a slight irritation, mixed with steadfastness and he could tell that some of the color was draining from her face.

"Listen to me John Bates. This is where I tell you what is in my heart and you are going to listen. This may be the last time you hear your mother advise you and scold you, so pay attention."

He couldn't help grin at what she had just said. Even in her profound weakness, she was not to be ignored. He couldn't help notice, though, that when she spoke, the words were coming out slower.

"When you have laid me in the ground, I want you to do the following:

Go to Mr. Baines office, my man of business. He will inform you of your inheritance which is this house and money that can be found in several bank accounts. I am not leaving you enough riches for a grand life, but, John Bates, it is enough to pay for the divorce and much more. We'll not talk sums right now, but, you will be surprised. You will have something to offer Anna. You will use this house, all its contents and the money I leave you in whatever way you see fit to secure your happiness. You will then go to a solicitor, Mr. Baines may refer you to somebody, and you will inquire on how to obtain a divorce. With the money I am leaving you, you will find a way to make it happen. You will then write to Vera and ask her to meet you. She was very civil while she was here. You will have enough money to provide an economic settlement to help her make her decision. When all of this is settled, you will return to Downton Abbey, and not before. You will seek Anna out immediately. That will be the first thing you do upon arrival. You will tell her everything, and above all you will tell her you love her and that you want to marry her. She will decide whether she will have you and wait. She is not a foolish girl and will understand that the divorce may take some time, but it is her choice to make. You must not make assumptions for her. If she wanted a family with another man, she would not spend so much time attached to you."

"Have you kissed her?" she asked. John rolled his eyes, but, reminded himself that his mother was on her deathbed. He would not have ever answered this question if it were not the situation that it was.

"No, mother. I daren't offend her." He did not mention the stolen kiss. It was such a small peck, surely it didn't count.

"Oh dear." She rolled her eyes."I've always told you to mind your honor and do things right. I am so proud that you have taken that to heart. Where Anna is concerned, I agree that you should be mindful that as a married man, you jeopardize her reputation. Be very careful. Unfortunately, many people know no better and could not differentiate you from what real married men are…. And my darling, you aren't married in the truest sense of the word. You do not have a dutiful wife at home waiting for you. You are not turning your back on your commitment. You only have a paper that legally says you are and I think she knows the difference. If she didn't understand the difference, she would have left you long ago, so, please don't let it hang over your head. Being honorable is not synonymous to being miserable, so, when you go back to Downton, I want you to take that poor girl in your arms and kiss her. Kiss her as often as you can. Show her how you really feel. Don't deny her your love any longer. I know you will know to refrain yourself before things get _heated_"…. Mrs. Bates paused because she did not believe she was talking to her son about this. After gathering her thoughts again, she continued. "…and Anna is a sensible girl and she will not allow you to take certain liberties, so, don't even start thinking about obsessive propriety. I want you to experience the passion that has been missing from your life and she deserves so much to feel it as well. I rather think that you will find that kissing somebody you love deeply, is much different than kissing somebody you don't."

Her last statement made him shudder. He often spent sleepless nights talking himself out of kissing her, ensuring his actions were as honorable as possible. Her theory was quite the contrary to what he ever imagined she would say. Had he truly confused honor with misery?

"I can't imagine that you would have ever said something to me like this mum." John had blushed several times within the conversation and he was now fully flushed.

Mrs. Bates was starting to feel weaker and it shown in her face. She was laboring to speak and she had talked more than ought to have been good for her, but, she wanted her son to know everything that was in her heart and she wasn't about to keep quiet. She could feel she didn't have too much longer. Every second that passed, she felt she had less air.

"It is not my intention to cause you any discomfort. But mind what I say. I know that you abide by a strict moral code. It is what helped you turn your life around. I know that, but, please, every once in a while, remember to take off your shoes and walk in the grass barefoot. It would do you no harm and feels great."

Her analogy both amused and confused John. He noticed that at this moment, Susan had returned to check on her patient, but Mrs. Bates continued.

"What I am saying Johnny, is that you can plan all you want and know where you want to go, but, the fun part of getting to that point is the journey itself. If you cannot have a little fun along the way, the act of getting to your final destination is too tedious and loses the appeal. I have seen your extremes. Your young adulthood was marred with recklessness and your adulthood is governed by strictness. Can you find a happy place in the middle that allows you to enjoy your journey? I think Anna would understand this. She's waited an awful long time for you to sort things out. She's a patient girl, but, one can only take so much. Let her enjoy her journey too. " She stopped talking momentarily to look him in the eye, realizing that he was finally understanding what she had been trying to tell him.

Susan took advantage of the lull in conversation to interject. "Mrs. Bates, you must rest. I feel you are getting distressed. Take this pill, please."

Mrs. Bates turned around to look at her. "Thank you dear. You've taken good care of me." She reached out to squeeze her nurse's hand. "I will rest, but I shan't take another pill. Not while my Johnny is here. I will ask him to tell me a story and that will help me sleep. You needn't worry anymore."

Susan squeezed her hand back, knowing fully that this was the last time she would speak with her patient. She had too much experience with death and knew that the end was near. "Yes, Mrs. Bates", she responded as she backed away and retreated to the parlor, allowing them their final moments of intimacy.

John felt the tug in his heart, as he heard his mother somewhat acknowledge that her end was near.

"Listen Johnny, I need you to do something for me."

"Yes Mum. What is it?"

"I have written several letters to several people. I need you to mail them for me when I am gone."

"Of Course."

"They are in my writing desk. One is addressed to your Anna. You shan't ask me what the contents are and you shan't try to read it. It is for her, from me. You will mail it please and if she ever chooses to share it with you, that will be her prerogative."

He was curious, but, decided to abide by her wishes.

"Yes Mum. I promise."

Day had turned to night and John realized his mother's face was completely ashen. He didn't think she would last much longer. He stifled back the tears that were threatening to overcome him.

"Johnny, hand me that picture of your father." She pointed to the nightstand within his reach and gave it to her. "Now, help me up a little. I want to sit closer to you and I want you to hold me."

He gingerly moved her to where she wanted to be and embraced her. She held on to the silver frame with one hand and held on to him with the other.

"I love you mum. Thank you for being mine." He kissed her temple, hair and cheek lovingly.

"Johnny, I love you very much and I love your Anna and I love the children you will have together." She had her eyes closed and he could feel her relaxing in his embrace.

"Our children?" He had never dared even mention this possibility.

"Yes dear. Your children. Your father and I will be their guardian angels in the heavens and we will be looking down on you and your small family." Her breath was now only above a whisper.

"Thank you mum." His eyes started to tear slowly.

"I want to sleep now. I am getting very tired. Will you tell your father and I a story? "

"What type of story?", he asked, somewhat perplexed. He looked around and made sure she was well covered and comfortable for her slumber. He moved her head gently next to his, wanting to have her as close as possible to him.

"Remember the journey we just discussed?

"Yes."

"Imagine you are already there. You have reached your destination. Describe it for your father and I, everything you see. Tell us the story of your life, that which we will not see on earth, but shall see from the heavens."

"Very well, then." He pondered for just a moment and began.

"It is 1925, nine years from now. I still work with Lord Grantham and I continue to be a valued member of his staff. I am allowed to go home every night to my beautiful two story cottage in Downton Village. There is a large garden in the front with a beautiful flowery arch. There is a small garden with roses of all colors in the front, all tended to beautifully. As I peer through the windows, I can see all sorts of activity that would befit a happy family. When I open the large wooden door, I smell the aromas of home. There is a stew cooking, there is bread baking, the oil lamps have burned their wicks and the fragrance of the rose garden is coming through the windows. All I hear are squeals of joy, "Daddy is home! Daddy has come!" My girls Margaret and Olivia come running to hug me, their blond curls bouncing with them. I lift them up in a large embrace. They laugh and cuddle me. Their brother, John Jr., has crawled to the door to see what the commotion is about. I set the girls down and pick up their brother who still cannot speak, but whose face radiates happiness to see me. His little arms reach out to hug me. I see her, my darling Anna, coming from the kitchen, making her way to me. She is lovely and radiant, a magnificent sight for a husband to come home to. She is also pleased to see me. She embraces me, places a kiss on my cheek and says, "Daddy is definitely home."

John senses his mother has become much heavier to support and when he looks at her again, he realizes she is here no more.

* * *

**A/N: This is "T" rated author's note. I thought I would share a personal story that inspired a little bit of Margaret Bates' dialogue.**

If Margaret Bates seems a little permissive and open to the topics that may have been scandalous for her times, it is because I remember a conversation with my own dear grandmother two years before her death. My beautiful "Abuela" (for those who might not know – Spanish for grandmother), may she rest in peace, was born in 1918. She was a product of her time and very reserved and as a mother to my mother, extremely strict. My mother had chaperones on dates well into her twenties in the early 1960's….It is a miracle she and my aunt even got married. Once, when I didn't have a boyfriend, and I explained I was having difficulty meeting nice eligible men, I had the shock of my life when she lovingly told me that she would say something that she would never repeat to me ever again and that I was not to share with my mother, sister or any cousins. She told me while she didn't understand modern times; she recognized that I lived in an era very different to hers and that landing a man required different tactics. She told me to go buy a box of condoms and not be afraid to ever use them to land myself that good man if the situation ever warranted it. This out of character bit of "advice" from 13 years ago is the modern equivalent to Margaret Bates telling her son in 1916 to get a divorce, give Vera an economic settlement, kiss Anna constantly and for him to finally tell her that he loves her. Our conversation was not deathbed, but, shocking nonetheless. For the remaining two years I had her with me, I would always bring up that conversation and see her laugh and turn red with embarrassment. It was our little secret. Now, as far as ever conceding to having taken her advice or not…. I won't ever tell.

Thank you also for all the reviews, story alerts and favs. Each one means a lot. Also, thank you to the guest reviewer who left me lovely comments regarding the Vera visit chapter. Your comments made my day.


	5. Settling Affairs

**So, Mrs. Bates is finally gone. In this chapter, John deals with settling her affairs and getting things done.  
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******I don't know where in London the Bates residence would have been, but St Mary's is an existing Catholic cemetary in London and our Lady of Carmel and St. Simon Stock is a nearby Catholic parish to that cemetary. According to their history, they both would have been around during this time period. :) I think this is the only research I have had to do for this piece...****  
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* * *

It had been almost an hour since he'd felt her leave and he still hadn't moved from his position on the bed. She still lay within his arms and he held her tight. He ought to leave her and call Susan, but, he held on just a little longer, to have her to himself in the quiet of the night. He wept quietly; keenly aware that as soon as he called the nurse, it would be official and he would no longer have her near him. As he held her, he was comforted to see that she looked so at peace and he couldn't imagine that she was really gone.

When John was ready, he alerted Susan. He was heartbroken and felt lost. When his father died, he was still a young lad and his mother had managed all of the arrangements. He had not gotten involved, so, he did not know what to do now. Fortunately, the nurse had experienced this situation many times and knew exactly how to guide him. She had called for the doctor and provided him with all the necessary instructions for the paperwork he would need. She even asked him if he knew what undertaker he would hire to prepare her for burial. When he mentioned he didn't know, she recommended a couple that were nearby, affordable and well known for their service.

Mrs. Garvey had also come. Having been neighbor to Mrs. Bates for almost 20 years, she was also saddened by her passing and offered to help him decide on when to have the service, how to prepare for a post service luncheon and the myriad of social and religious tasks that needed to be carried out. There were so many things he didn't know he needed to do. He was only surprised when she kept asking him about Vera. He wasn't sure how they knew each other. They hadn't really visited his mother much as a married couple for them to have become friendly. Other than this, Mrs. Garvey was extremely helpful.

He felt indebted to both and would make sure to thank them properly before he left.

John was not very religious, at least not anymore. He had been interested in the priesthood as a child and raised in the Catholic tradition by his mother, but his deep philosophical views had collided with the theological ones and he'd deserted that idea rather quickly. His mother was still very much involved in the church, so, he prepared a funeral in accordance with those beliefs. The Carmelite Sisters at the local parish that Mrs. Bates attended, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and St. Simon Stock, had been very helpful and everything had been set up easily. The burial plot next to his father at St. Mary's Cemetery had been set aside for her years ago and it was prepared, including the addition of the appropriate inscription to their now shared tombstone.

The funeral had been set for the following Monday after her death and Mrs. Garvey's tips and suggestions had proved invaluable. She had even recommended another neighbor be hired to prepare a small but suitable luncheon after the ceremony. There were some distant cousins in attendance, but mostly friends, neighbors and church goers who had known her. He had not found it difficult to inform people about the event, as his mother had been ill for weeks and several people had tried to call on her the day after her death. Once they were aware of what happened, they helped John spread the news rather quickly. They were all pleasant people and were genuinely sad that she was no longer with them.

When the funeral was dealt with, he remembered to purchase thank you gifts for both Susan and Mrs. Garvey. They had been kind to guide him when he felt a little lost.

There had been so much activity, he hardly had the opportunity to sit and digest much of what his mother had told him regarding Anna and how he should proceed with her. She was still very present in his mind; it was impossible not to think of her, but he couldn't allow himself to contemplate their future just yet as he had not even been able to visit the solicitors and resolve his situation. Immediately after his mother's passing, he'd sent Mr. Carson a quick telegram to inform him and confirm a prolonged absence until he could resolve several important matters. As a result, she had been a sweetheart and sent him a letter. This was the first time Anna had ever written to him. There had been no need before, as they lived in the same house. Their prior time apart had never been longer than a couple of weeks. They both always went to London with the family, so, distance between them would only happen when he'd escort his Lordship on a trip that the rest of the family did not accompany him on. As such, those occasions were very rare and not long at all, never warranting an exchange. He retrieved the letter to read it again. Receiving it and realizing it was from her had made his heart flutter. Now, as he held it in his hands, he surmised that it was this letter alone that had brought him the most comfort…. and, even after reading it at least a half dozen times already, it still elicited the same reaction from him.

_Mr. Bates,_

_Mr. Carson has confirmed to the staff that your mother has died. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am not sure any words I could write would bring you the comfort you need, but I will try._

_Please know that even though it may not be nearly comparable, I was very fond of her, so, I share your grief. I may have only known her a short time, but it was enough time to see her kindness and goodness. She made me feel very welcome, almost a part of your family. Her last words made me feel loved. She was a wonderful mother in every sense. You relied on her for so long, so, I understand how her loss will be felt. _

_Whenever we would lose somebody in my family, my grandmum always used to tell me that the good people who leave this earth, when they become angels, they shine so brightly, that you can only see them at night, by looking straight up into the heavens. They become stars. The brighter the star, the more goodness that person had. When you come back, we will look at the heavens together and find the brightest shining star of all and there she will be. She will always be there for you to see. Our loved ones don't leave us, they are always with us, and you will always have her with you as long as you look up._

_I am happy that I could be of some help before you left, but, I will always regret that I could not be there with you so that you did not have to face this by yourself. I would want nothing more than to help ease your pain. I know she was your sole source of support for so long and that a future without her may seem daunting and lonely. I may not have been there physically, but you are not alone. All you have to do is turn around and see that I am there, standing next to you. As long as you continue to view me as your darling sweet Anna, I will be by your side._

_Please let me know how you get on, as I am worried about you. _

_Yours truly,_

_Anna_

She never ceased to amaze him. She was the most remarkable woman he'd ever encountered – so self assured, comforting, selfless and lovely. She was never afraid to express herself, always so determined to say her piece whether it be proper or not and he fell in love with her a little more. The thought of her now is what kept his spirits up and helped him survive through his sadness. He conjured the vision of her from weeks ago when he felt the imperious need to draw her in for an embrace. Her beautiful face reflected so much love and affection, yet desperately sought affirmation. That image was forever seared into his consciousness and he felt now, the same warm, tingling sensation he felt then; that same sensation that finally forced him to give into his need to hold her and feel her so close to him. He longed to see her. She was his darling sweet Anna, indeed.

He determined that he would write to her now. She had expressed her concern and he wanted to ease her mind. She had written so many lovely things and he needed to respond to that too. It would be the first letter she ever received from him. He was worried, though. How do you write a letter to somebody you love, but cannot truly say everything that you would want? He loved her, but their situation was not resolved enough for him to be candid.

With much trepidation, he started.

_Dear Anna,_

Should he have started with Dear? … or was that too revealing? It was a common endearment to use, right? It should not have been an issue in his mind, but it was. He decided to keep it and kept on.

_As you are aware, Mother died last Wednesday, the same day I arrived. I was with her when it happened and was able to spend the entire afternoon by her side. She did not die alone and I am joyful that it was peaceful. She felt no pain. She passed along much wisdom and recommendations and I was able to say everything I wanted. _

_The funeral was held today. It was a quick solemn event with a few of her friends and distant cousins in attendance. Afterwards, the mourners came back to the house with me. I employed a neighbor to provide a small luncheon and everybody talked about her and remembered her fondly. It was a pleasant morning, but, it would have been better in your company. Their presence and support could never replace yours. _

He thought… she ought to know as much…

_Mother had kind words to say about you before she left us. I will tell you about it when I return. I am not sure when that will be but I will write back when I have news. I am currently engaged to terminate mother's financial affairs and am meeting with her solicitor tomorrow. I have tasks to manage regarding the house and its contents as well._

_Please tell Mr. Carson that I will come back as soon as I can and that I regret any hardships my absence is causing him._

Up until this moment, he felt his letter was very formal and did not fully characterize the appreciation he had for her efforts and the support she had provided. Did he dare acknowledge how important it had been? Did he dare acknowledge how her words had really reached to his core and made him feel loved? He must write about that, regardless of his personal nature. She deserved the same measure from him.

_Thank you for the support you provided before I left. It gave me much peace and strength to carry on with what I needed to do. You always know what to say and it made a difference. I look forward to looking up at the heavens with you and searching for the brightest light. It is comforting to think of my mother in that manner. I appreciate your steadfast support and willingness to stand by me. I very much like having you by my side and there is much we need to talk about upon my return._

Was telling her he liked having her by his side too forward? He was consumed with doubt, but, he had already written it, so, it was done. IT was the truth. What about his last statement? Perhaps letting her know that there was much to talk about on his return was cruel. She would analyze his statement to no end, wondering what he'd meant by it. He did not want to say too much in the letter, as he still had much to think about before heading back. They would need to have a conversation, he just didn't know yet what it would be. It was a good place to end, so, he wrote no more.

He pondered for a moment how he should sign the letter. She had put "Yours truly". That was sweet, but restrained. She had already said so much, she must have struggled with how to sign it off. He could respond in kind and use the same ending, or he could do something else which carried more meaning. He didn't think signing off with "Regards" would do. She had, after all, bared her feelings for him again and it would seem disrespectful, dismissive and contradictory. He did not want her to think he hadn't felt her words keenly. Would "Love" be too forward? What about, "With much appreciation" or "Affectionately"? "With much appreciation" seemed to be more appropriate to be used in a letter to Mrs. Garvey or Mrs. Hughes. It seemed too formal and he dismissed it. It was between "Affectionately" or "Love". He remembered his mother's words regarding Anna's journey and that she should enjoy hers too. Perhaps signing "Love", would bring her a small joy. "Affectionately" just did not carry the same weight. Without thinking further on the topic, he scribbled:

_Love,_

_John_

…. And the letter was finished. He had bravely completed his first letter exchange with Anna. He wasn't sure it was as restrained as it should have been; yet, there were no blatant declarations to worry over.

When he was about to leave to mail the letter, he remembered to go to his mother's writing desk to recover the letters she'd asked him to post for her. In his haste to complete the arrangements for her service, he had forgotten to retrieve them. He found the neat pile, reviewing the names of those to whom they were intended. He couldn't find the one that was addressed to Anna. He'd thought about her request and decided that he wouldn't post the letter. He would honor her request to not read it, but, he thought that the letter best be delivered by hand. The others, though, he would mail. Search as he did, he couldn't find it. He explored the entire piece of furniture, moved it from its place even, just to make sure it had not fallen behind or underneath anything. He still could not find it. He further examined the more obvious places in the house, but still, it could not be located. His mother had been lucid the entire time they spoke and she seemed very sure that she had written this letter. He had no reason to doubt her, but, in its absence, he only reasoned that she must have dreamt that she wrote it, or she must have intended to do so, and actually not done it. Could it have been an episode of delirium? Either way, he would mail the others now. He still needed to go through all of her belongings within the house and if the letter had been in fact written, he would come across it.

* * *

He set about dealing with the house and its contents. He knew he wouldn't sell the house, at least not soon and didn't want to have to deal with it until a later trip. He didn't want to dispose of the furniture either, but he was aware that he did have to make arrangements for his mother's personal belongings. It had been suggested by the nuns at the church that he might want to donate items of his mother's that would not be considered heirlooms and not possibly wanted by other members of the family. He had taken an afternoon to go through her things and besides the jewelry, antique hair ornaments and her silver brush and mirror; he thought it best to give away her clothing and the small baubles she had collected through the years. The nuns arranged for the transportation of his donation and assured him that it would go to needy families.

Those items he kept, he intended for Anna and set them aside. His mother did not have many fancy possessions, but his father had given her some beautiful pieces through the years. He marveled at how well they had been preserved. There was an ornate mother of pearl comb set, a silver hat pin with an inlaid turquoise pattern on the end, an attractive cameo brooch, a magnificent pearl necklace with matching earings and bracelet, her golden wedding band and a beautiful gold filigree ring with a small round emerald set in the middle. He remembered his father had given her this last piece to remind her of Ireland. He was only a little boy, but the memory of her tears of joy would never be forgotten to him. This was the first time he realized that one could cry tears of happiness too. He had never experienced this until that day. She always wore the ring lovingly, even after he had died. She had only removed it in the last couple of years when her fingers had gotten so swollen that it could no longer be worn. His parents had cherished each other immensely and a shared life of love and devotion, such as this, is what he wanted with Anna. There could be no other more worthy recipient of the jewelry. He let himself imagine her wearing these pieces and sighed contentedly, longing to see her.

Throughout his thorough search and organization of her belongings, he did not find Anna's letter. He now concluded that it had actually never been written on paper, perhaps only in his mother's mind and as such, only she knew what would have been in it. Could anything she had imagined to have written in it been different from the instructions she had left with him? Even if it was only a product of her imagination, how much would she have confided in Anna of the same feelings he had confided with him? If only Anna was to read it, then surely the contents would have concerned him… but, she seemed so lucid. If the letter only existed in her mind, could anything of what he told her been said in a delusional state as well? Should he doubt any of the recommendations regarding his life that she had made? He would never know and would have to trust that everything she recommended was what she really thought and wanted.

* * *

The days passed and John had also visited Mr. Baines to settle the financial affairs. He was the sole beneficiary and had been more than surprised at the amount of money his mother had left him. She was right in saying that it wouldn't make him live the grand life, but, it was much more than he ever thought she had. She had lived modestly her entire life and had wanted for nothing. John had never had to help her; she had been self sufficient. According to Mr. Baines, she had wisely seen to the money his father had left her, wanting to make sure that she could take care of herself in her old age. She did not afford herself luxuries and John now felt guilty that all of this was his now, not really having earned any of it himself. He felt guiltier when he remembered what he'd put her through. He did not feel very deserving at all. Yet, she left it for him and he remembered her last words. She thought it fit for him to do whatever he wanted to secure his future. He pondered that together; both the house and the money could provide him for an alternative life to that of service. It was possible that he might be able to start up a business and provide Anna with a very different future. He didn't let himself get carried away in thoughts, though. He still had the issue of his divorce to settle.

Upon request, Mr. Baines had also seen fit to recommend a solicitor who specialized in divorces. John visited Mr. Sandhurst that same afternoon, not wanting to postpone writing to Vera and desiring above all else to settle their affairs immediately. Mr. Sandhurst was a similar age as John and he felt comfortable with the man. They discussed the particulars of the entire marriage. For a divorce, John needed irrefutable proof that one of them had been unfaithful. He knew that she had been, but the "Irrefutable" part would be hard to obtain. It had been years since they had seen each other and he hardly knew what her current situation was. His mother said that she had been civil. If that was the case and she agreed to this divorce, he thought it might be best if he actually took the blame and pretended to be the adulterous party. She might be more accepting of it if she played the victim and was spared the humiliation. His name would be besmirched, but for Anna, he was willing to take the blame if it helped his case.

He was willing to take the blame, but he couldn't proceed unless Lord Grantham approved. His Lordship must have a say in all of this, as few divorces were ever pursued and granted. Only available to those who could pay, those who did manage it were not spared notoriety. Divorces were always considered newsworthy and they always made it into the local paper. His name and occupation would be listed and as such, Downton and Lord Grantham would be referenced and quite possibly, the news would be sensationalized beyond its real worth. It was absurd to think about these implications and also absurd that he would have to get approval, but, John realized he didn't have a choice. If he wanted to remain working at Downton, he must consult Lord Grantham. Sure, his mother had left him some money, but it wouldn't be enough for him to be unemployed so soon and his employability options were just not that abundant. He wanted time to think about his options for the money, so, for the time being, he must remain at the Yorkshire estate.

When his meeting with Mr. Sandhurst had come to an end and they had agreed on a course of action, he finally decided to write to Vera.

_Vera,_

_Thank you for leaving your address at my mother's house recently and thank you for calling on her. She passed peacefully last Wednesday, a day after you called._

_I am not sure how aware you are of what I have been up to. I am currently working as valet to Lord Grantham at his Yorkshire Estate. You might remember I was his batman during the Boer War. _

_We've not seen each other in several years and I am hoping that you will find it agreeable for us to meet. Could I prevail upon you to set a time and place and respond to the return address with your answer? I think there are many things that we need to discuss._

_I hope you are well,_

_John_

He had taken her address with him and penned the letter directly in his solicitor's office. It was a quick and cordial letter and there was absolutely nothing that could possibly offend or alienate her. He felt that the sooner he dealt with this, the better it would be. The short missive was posted that same afternoon.

John headed home, relieved to have accomplished so much in so few days. He longed to get back to work, but he most longed to see Anna.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed their letters. I imagined that they would not have had an opportunity to write to each other until this occasion and Mr. Carson did confirm that John wrote to Anna when Lord Grantham asked about his valet's whereabouts. I suspect S3 will be ripe with opportunities for letters...**

**Thank you for the reviews, I enjoy reading each one.**

**We'll have two more chapters in this story before we finish!  
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	6. John Makes a Plan

**I've really dreaded this chapter, trying to give it justice. When we see his arrival back to Downton, after his absence, you can see the excitement in his eyes and something has clearly changed in him. This is my take on how John finally makes up his mind.**

* * *

When John woke that morning, he did not realize that this would be his last day in London. It had been two weeks since he had arrived tempestuously, but he had been very diligent and the tasks he still needed to accomplish were very few indeed. Today he'd pay another visit to the solicitor regarding his new financial affairs and that would determine how soon he could leave. He was feeling very anxious to get back as the quietness of this house was unsettling for him. After living several years at Downton, he missed the activity and constant flow of people. Although privacy and quiet were virtually non-existent, there was a positive energy that always permeated the atmosphere and he was missing that feeling. The absence of people, and of Anna, to be more exact, is what he missed the most. He tried to put her out of his mind, but increasingly, his every thought since his mother's conversation was about her. He loved her more than he ever thought he could and this separation had proven to be quite confounding. He was usually very self controlled when he needed to work and could focus easily, but he found that it was getting harder to get her out of his thoughts. On this day In particular, it seemed the universe around him was conspiring against him to keep throwing her image back into his mind. Every thought, every action led invariably back to her.

To start, earlier in the morning he had encountered a family. He saw them as he walked towards the grocer in his neighborhood. They were a family, an average man of a similar age to his, his pretty golden haired wife of a similar age to Anna's, a wee babe in a pram and a beautiful little girl of about 3 or 4 years holding on to her father. The little girl had long golden hair full of curls which was adorned with a very pretty blue bow to accentuate her smart little outfit. "Daddy", she exclaimed and ran a little forward when she saw another older boy holding a small dog. "Look at the dog!" she said excitedly. "Yes, Winnie. He's a handsome pet", was her father's answer as he reached for her again. He couldn't hear what else was said as he made his way around them. It shouldn't have been important, since he didn't know these people. Yet, his heart surprisingly leapt with joy when he saw them. This family reminded him of himself and Anna and the possible family they could have together. His mother had mentioned children. She had even asked him to tell her the story of his life. He had spoken of two little girls with golden curls; much like the "Winnie" he had just seen. He had called them "Olivia and Margaret" and in his mind, they looked exactly like Anna, with beautiful smiles and expressive eyes. Before listening to his mother's words, he had only envisioned children in fleeting dreams and only with regret of not having had any. Now, as his life seemed to take the direction that he wanted, he allowed himself to actually believe that he could have children and that the family he had just seen on the street could have been his. No sweeter word on this earth would compare to hearing "Daddy" from one of his own. He now desperately wanted them and felt that for the first time, they were actually in his reach.

Once he reached the grocer, he had gathered the few things he needed and was standing at the counter to pay. He chatted amiably with the proprietor and was introduced to his wife who had just come back from the storage area behind the register. She was introduced to him as Mrs. Anna Jenkins. The lady couldn't have been more different to his Anna, as she was stout, a brunette and not very comely, but the mere mention of the name sent a jolt through his body.

About a block from Mr. Baines office, he accidentally ran into somebody head on. Both he and a young lady, completely distracted, had managed to walk into each other as they each reached the respective corners of the same street. They were both terribly apologetic to one another for having crashed and laughed when they both realized it had been both their faults. As he laughed and reached up to look, he couldn't help think of his beloved, as it was a young housemaid, wearing a similar blue dress as Anna's day uniform and had her hair up, covered by her maid's cap. She was also golden haired, but much younger, perhaps a similar age as when Anna entered service. As she smiled at him and apologized one last time, she dashed off in a hurry, probably running an errand for her mistress, as Anna usually did. He must have remained standing on that street corner, people milling around him, just thinking about her and what she might be doing now for at least a few minutes. Anna was very distracting, even when she wasn't there.

Then, Mr. Baines managed to also remind him of her. After the solicitor handed over all of the pending documentation that certified the accounts were now in his name and it was determined that their business together was now officially over, the solicitor congratulated John on his upcoming nuptials. When John looked at him with a bewildered face, the man was embarrassed but politely apologized by saying,

"Oh, I am sorry Mr. Bates, I didn't mean to pry or infer anything. The last time I spoke to your mother, she mentioned that this money would go all to you and that you would be marrying soon again after your divorce, so, I understood that you would be very close to your wedding date. "

John was a little surprised to hear that his mother would have spoken so assuredly about his possible union with Anna, even before he confessed his true intentions to her. He slightly smiled as it suddenly dawned on him that she expressed her desire to meddle and make it happen. "Oh, mother!" he thought, but it was sweet and her telling Mr. Baines was rather harmless. John just nodded graciously to what the other man had said. "Maybe soon" was the only thing he could answer.

Yes, since this morning, every moment experienced made him think of her and led him to believe that his fate was really in nobody else's hands but his own. His brave and beautiful Anna had shown him her interest years ago, had just written to him expressing her willingness to stand by his side and she had shown a steady devotion to him through the years. The only thing keeping them apart was him. But, after this day, when everything and everyone in his path made it impossible to not think of her, it seemed clearer to him than ever what he should do. There were just too many signs to ignore.

Hours earlier, he had awoken before dawn, his internal clock too used to early morning rising. Here, in this house, it was too early to be of any good and it was also too late to go back to sleep, at least for him, so, he lay in his bed placidly, taking in the surroundings. It was the same room he'd lived in the entire time he had stayed in this house. He remembered his childhood years, his adolescence and later the time he spent after jail. There were also the intermittent times he'd had to resort coming to his mother for a place to sleep when Vera had seen it fit to kick him out of the house after a night of drinking. The furniture had changed through the years to accommodate his growth and tastes and he had added a book collection, but these four walls contained so much of his past within them. Now, he couldn't remember a time of his adult life, spent in this same bed, where he had been really happy. This was the only time. His mother had just passed and he loved her dearly, but he was no longer sad. She had given him so much to think about and he could only reflect on his darling sweet Anna.

As he lay, snuggled under the covers, he went through all of the deathbed conversations he had with her on her last day.

She had talked about making sure he enjoyed his journey and that Anna enjoyed hers. After years of standing by honorably, loving her in near silence and daring only to hold her hands, he felt suddenly ashamed that he had held so much back. Without knowing where Vera was, he knew that he had done the right thing by not compromising their situation, but, he realized that he had also been very unfair to Anna in the process. He alone knew she loved him and he had controlled their situation, dictating when they met, how they met and what their conversations were about. She was always so generous with her devotion, affection and enthusiasm and he felt that he had taken from her so generously and not given her anything back. She deserved so much. He'd only recently told her that she made him happy and he had confirmed a couple of weeks before that that she was his darling, sweet Anna. He could not remember a time before that, though, where he had implied or confirmed what she meant to him. She deserved that, at a minimum from him. There had to be a middle ground where she could know what he felt for her, yet still maintain the honorability of their relationship while he was still married.

And Oh, how he wanted to kiss her! He imagined her sweet warm lips on his. His mother had suggested he tell her he loved her as soon as he returned and kiss her as often as he could. The mental image was overpowering him. Many sleepless nights at Downton, he could imagine kissing her, caressing her, taking her into his bed and showering her with unrestrained passion. When he could sleep, he was transported to the exact same places in his dreams, so, at any given moment, when thinking of her, he did not know if he was asleep or awake. He had never once allowed himself to get too close to her, even with all of the time they spent together. If he now followed his mother's advice to kiss her as often as he could, where would that lead? Could he trust himself to not get carried away like he often did in his youth? That would be a challenge. He knew that all the walls he had built around him were for a purpose and physical closeness with Anna, even this small pleasure, might break him. Yet, he longed for it and felt she did too. He would work extra hard to control himself, as this, he reckoned, would have to be a challenge he was willing to take. He resolved mentally that his mother was right. Honor was not synonymous with misery. He would make it happen. Of that he was sure.

But the most important thought that had been weighing in his mind was when to talk to Anna about possible marriage. That could be the only outcome to this situation. Now that he knew where Vera was and knowing how civil she had been with his mother, it was all but certain that a divorce was imminent. All of the economic challenges were dissipating as well. His mother had made it certainly easier to accomplish anything he wanted. The amount of money she had left him was a considerable sum and even with her encouraging him, he hadn't really believed that a real divorce was possible until he had met both solicitors. He had dared ask Mr. Sandhurst if after obtaining the divorce, there was a legal waiting period to marry again. Mr. Sandhurst had smirked, probably thinking he was crazy for already considering taking another wife after the stories he'd shared from his first union. He didn't care what anybody thought about him. He just wanted the answer. Mr. Sandhurst had confirmed that there were indeed none and he was free to take whatever actions he needed to do it again. A warm and fuzzy feeling spread through his body quickly, as he realized that marrying Anna might actually be possible.

When he was still warm and snug in his bed, his thoughts turned to a more logistical question. He still hadn't resolved how soon he would tell her about his plans for them. Although he longed to make her happy, he just wasn't sure anything good would come of it until Vera answered his letter, so, he decided to wait. He would tell her about Vera, about starting the divorce proceedings and of the money he had inherited, but he would wait to tell her about their marriage until he was absolutely certain that it would be obtained.

Yes, he had done a lot of thinking that morning, and now as he made his way out of Mr. Baines office, it was clear to him that his business and time in London was over and that he had nothing else there to do. The issues pertaining to the house could wait until later. There was nothing else to do, no reason to be apart from her any longer. Everything he had experienced that morning – the subtle and not so subtle encounters were all signs and he was convinced that they had their purpose. Their objective was to get him to go back to her. He smiled, even though nobody noticed, and hastily made his way back to the house. He was sure that if he made his way quickly back to pack his few belongings, he might just catch the train that could get him into Downton that very evening.

* * *

Again, luck and destiny were on his side that day as he made it just in time to the train station. He boarded the 3rd class compartment with no time to spare while the engineer blew the whistles, heralding their departure. All of the other passengers were already settled, but he managed to find a decent seat in front of a younger couple. They exchanged pleasantries, but thankfully, they seemed absorbed in each other and they left him alone to his thoughts. Not that he did not want to be sociable, he just had many random thoughts in his mind that needed further pondering and this would be the perfect time to come to conclusions.

The first thing he would do after his arrival would be to seek out his Lordship. If the timing seemed appropriate and his Lordship had the time, he would talk about his divorce and disclose his entire plans. He did not want any of his intentions to be misconstrued, regardless of when he acted upon them. He held Lord Grantham, as his friend and employer in high regard and after having made so many mistakes in his life, this would not be one of them. He had hidden news about his past incarceration from him and would not commit the same mistake again and he would not jeopardize his post in that manner again. He would tell him about his divorce, his need to take the blame and be the offending party and his desire to achieve his divorce because of his affection for Anna. He hoped that the manner of achieving the divorce would not affront him and that he wouldn't have any objections regarding Anna.

As the train rolled on, his mind changed all together to a more practical thought. When he and Anna were married, what would his life plan be? Anna would likely be dismissed a few months after the wedding. He grinned to himself and tried to diffuse his thoughts as he imagined the reasons for her dismissal. She would be with child, God willing. His salary, while enough for himself and his small luxuries, might not be enough to maintain a family in the level of comfort he desired. He also enjoyed his job, was pleased to hold a respectable position within an honorable household such as that of the Crawley's, but, his infirmity would not allow him to maintain himself there, comfortably forever. There would come a time, he reasoned, that he wouldn't be able to manage and he did not want to be a charity case for his Lordship. Also, should his Lordship ever pass, he wasn't sure that the new heir, albeit a very generous young man, would keep him there and pass up his current valet, Mr. Molesley. If they were to have a family, he would need to find a different source of income, something they could truly call their own and one that could provide resources to Anna if he was ever taken prematurely.

He had money now and that provided options. He could start a business, or a trade. He was good with accounts and ledgers and maybe they could own a little shop in Downton village or nearby so that Anna would not be too far from her family. He did not feel comfortable opening a business in something that he was not an expert on and he only really knew about books and authors, how to be a soldier and how to be a valet or serve people. His days of soldiering were over, and every town between Downton and Ripon already had a bookshop. That only left something related to service. Whatever it was, he wanted it to be something that he and Anna could possibly do together.

His thoughts were jolted when the train prepared to stop in the next station. As the train slowed down, he was able to survey the businesses that were established close to the railway station. They all seemed to be the usual lot found in any village – a tea shop, a haberdashery, and a tailor among others. As they pulled in for a full stop, John couldn't help notice a large sign with the word "HOTEL" and an arrow pointing away from the train station. It was hung on one of the girders that was holding together the roof of the platform. He continued to look at it and had an immediate epiphany. A hotel would be perfect. Anna, as head housemaid, knew everything that was necessary to maintain an estate home in perfect order. She as a Ladies Maid and he as a Valet knew everything that was necessary to maintain both men and women in comfort and perfect decorum for all types of events. Their combined skills and knowledge were perfect to run a small, yet highly serviceable property. A hotel also afforded the perfect solution for living and working as a family, as they could live within the establishment and have their children with them. He could manage the books and accounts. Depending on the size, they could hire a maid, a cook and a clerk.

John was so excited about his idea that he didn't notice when the train pulled out of the station or that he had been left in the compartment alone. The couple must have thought him rude to not even notice their departure, but alas, they were gone and there was no point in getting distressed over that when this plan, which was cementing itself in his mind, was more important. He suddenly fretted over the realization that a hotel might be more costly than all of his combined new wealth could afford. It was costly, but perhaps not impossible to achieve. He could let his mother's house for a couple of years and save the proceeds. In the interim, he and Anna could live modestly and perhaps avoid children for that period of time until they had saved up enough money to make this dream happen. Whatever he did not spend on the divorce and a settlement for Vera, he would save. When they were ready, they might sell his mother's house. If they could find the right property, that would be sufficient. Yes, he was happy with his plan and would tell Anna after he proposed to her. He hoped she would be excited too.

He had been so absorbed in his thoughts, that the time on the train passed quickly and sooner than later, the train rolled into Downton. He was surprised to see Lady Mary come from the First Class compartment, but realized that he could not have known she was on the same train, as he had barely made it into his compartment just as the whistles had blown. A fine Lady like herself would have been settled in comfortably and would not have had the same experience. He was ever so thankful that she offered him a lift in the same car, as he had expected to walk the whole way. He would have managed, but, the sooner he saw Anna, the better he would be. They quickly got on their way, and as the Downton station was only a short distance from the house, they were soon nearing the gates of the estate.

As the car entered the long gravel path towards the house, he felt a nervous energy throughout his body that settled in his heart. It pounded as if it would burst, he felt sweat collecting above his brow and his fingers tingled in anticipation. He knew he would see her again shortly and that expectation was both terrifying and electrifying. This was not the first time they had been separated, he had accompanied his Lordship on many trips, but this was the first time he would be coming back to her with a new determination and that made him nervous and anxious. He clutched his valise closer to him to suppress those feelings. He hadn't told her he would be coming, so she would be surprised, and he also hoped, pleased as well. Would she be standing guard and waiting at the door for Lady Mary? He anticipated she would…and then he had his confirmation when he recognized the petite form in the distance; the unmistakable silhouette of his lovely angel was small against the imposing doors of the main entrance. She was there, standing guard and this car was bringing them closer together.

The car finally stopped a few meters from Anna and he could clearly see that his arrival had caught her off guard. She was only really expecting her mistress and shuffled lightly with the same nervous energy he had just experienced. More than likely, the others had not noticed his effect on her, but he knew her better than anybody else and could see that she was thrilled to see him. She was positively radiant. Had it been dark, he was sure that the glow and aura that she was emitting could light up the whole area, but she was professional, and she stood in her place, waiting to be addressed by Lady Mary, who was mercifully in no hurry to get out of the car and now waiting for the doors to be opened for her. They looked at each other and Anna looked away for a second, a bashful and innocent reaction, but she looked back and held his gaze, as he held hers.

John was lucky that neither Lady Mary nor Mr. Branson were facing him, because if they had seen him, they would understand the depth of his feelings for her, as he could not stop a wide grin from forming on his face. He was proud of usually being reserved and stoic, nobody knowing what he was feeling or thinking. But this was different. Today was different. After facing so many emotions with the loss of his mother and listening to all of her recommendations, there was simply no way that these feeling could be repressed. He was naturally drawn to her and in his eagerness to get to her for a simple few seconds before Lady Mary occupied Anna's attention, he didn't even close the car door behind him. Maintaining their eye contact, he dashed forward towards her, as close enough as he dared. In all of his zeal, he knew that it would not be appropriate to distract her so purposefully, so, he would be swift. He had intended to say something, but she was quicker. She asked him why he hadn't said he was coming and he muttered something back, all the while thinking in his mind that he could really not wait any longer to tell her what he already knew. Earlier that morning, he had decided to wait, to tell her when things were certain. He had not counted on their emotions bubbling to the surface when they saw each other after this two week absence.

Their exchange had been quick and he moved ahead to let her do her work. He couldn't help but confirm that he had seen love in her eyes and he was sure that she had seen love in his. In that simple exchange where nothing else was said, but all emotions were revealed, he knew that this was the time; this was the moment. All logic and reason and this morning's plans were forgotten. Again he heard his mother. "Enjoy your journey and let her enjoy hers too". He knew what he must do. He forged ahead, determined that he should find his Lordship and divulge his plans. Today, nothing would stop him from seeking her out and revealing to her what she had always longed to hear. He loved her, had always loved her and could see nothing else in his life mattering more than her and a future life for them together. Yes, today would be the day.

* * *

**There is only one more chapter, and I am happy to report that it too is finished, so, I should be posting it in a couple of days. **


	7. Vera's Strategy

**Here it is, my last chapter for this story. John has already gone back to Yorkshire full of hope and dreams, so, we only have Vera's perspective yet to explore, pre-arrival at Downton. After this, we already know the story as it happens in 2X01 and whose story gaps I have endeavored to explore further in "How the Story Unfolds".**

* * *

Vera rested against the pillows on her bed. In her hands she held two distinct letters. One was from John - her husband; the other - from John's mother, written to Anna Smith of Downton Abbey. Thinking about both letters upset her. These people were real fools, she thought. The one for Anna had been pilfered a fortnight ago and she'd had plenty of time to reread on several occasions. Every new time she read it, it made her angrier and it made her remember something John had done to her, or said to her or failed to do to her, so many years ago when they lived together. The letter from him she'd expected to receive fairly quickly after her visit. She was proven right. She received it today. Apparently, he sent it the day before yesterday. This quickness really made her realize that he was very motivated indeed to find her.

John was such a dolt to think that she would never find out about his affair with the woman Mrs. Bates would call the "epitome of loveliness". Baaaahhhh!, she uttered. Having an affair was not in his character, so, he must really be besotted with this woman. Even when he had been quite the philanderer before they were married, John was never the unfaithful type. She didn't think he had changed his ways for her; he was increasingly drawn to his books and theories, so the pursuit and conquest of women had been a phase in his life. He still liked them, though. He was drawn to loose women who would comfort him and listen to his worries and pleas, but he never carried out. He'd always come home in a drunk, but highly aroused state and bed her quite passionately. Perhaps that was the only highlight of their marriage. For all of shortfalls of his character, he was faithful and a skilled lover.

Vera thought to herself that this woman must be really something special to have him eating out of the palm of her hand. Mrs. Bates even credited her with bringing back the joy to his life. She admitted she was very curious. Could his sweetheart put up with his theories of life and his never ending discussions of philosophy? Was she pretty enough to sustain his interest and sturdy enough to satisfy his insatiable physical needs? Vera reasoned that she must be a very fascinating, attractive and experienced woman if she could truly balance all of the attributes necessary to maintain the interest of John Bates. She would have to be well read and educated to be able to be on par with his conversations. ….but, it didn't add up. The woman was a housemaid. The thought that a housemaid could attract the attention of John was stupefying. Maybe a teacher, or governess, or secretary would have read enough and known enough about topics in general to allow him to drone on about his theories of life – but a housemaid? Really? They were generally inferior society. She had to put up with the whole lot here in the Flintshire residence and there was not an intelligent girl among them.

There could only be one explanation, then. For all of Mrs. Bates' talk of John not compromising Anna, his lust had to be what had him ensnared. The woman must be a master in bed and lured him into it. After all, she too was in service and knew how easy it was to make any of the foolish house visitors believe she was pious and bashful and make them think they were having their way with her when it was really the other way around. She liked making her own conquests now and then, so, this floozy may be no different, having gained the mastery after years of bedding servants and visitors. Why she would want John was beyond her. Beyond his skill in bed, he really had few attributes to make him a worthy husband. His tart was also the maid that apparently had to have helped Mary Crawley drag the body of the Turkish diplomat across the house, so, loose morals were apparently running rampant at the Crawley estate. That had to be it. His lust had finally won him over and he was willing to make another mistake again, as their marriage had been, all because of his base needs. He never ceased to amaze her. He was repulsive indeed, but she could care less. Let him bed the supposedly innocent Anna. She didn't want him that way anymore and if this trollop was fulfilling his needs, that was no concern of hers.

What did concern her was to know that John would want to give what was rightfully hers to another woman. It bothered her to know that all the years that Margaret Bates was mean to her, it was not because no woman was good enough for her son; it was really because Vera was not liked at all. She dared to call this Anna her future daughter in law. This other woman was apparently good enough and liked. It bothered her that John felt it possible to reform himself and become a better man, when she had had to put up with him all of those years. No, it wasn't right that he had been reformed and was no longer drinking and that another woman would get the good version of John when she had endured his pitiful side. He was the reason she had fallen so low, had been renounced by her own family, had lived on the streets, had come to work in service instead of being a wife supported at home. He was the reason everything had gone wrong in her life and he did not have a right to be happy and forget what he had done to her. They'd just all assumed that she could be gotten rid of. John would get to redo his life and pretend that she and everything they had been through had never happened. No, she would not allow that.

So, for the last two weeks she had pondered how to best use the information regarding Lady Mary Crawley's Turkish tryst to her benefit against him and realized that if he was really in love with that woman, he would do anything to protect her. It all seemed to come together in her mind and it was so perfect. How splendid that this "Anna" had been the one who helped Lady Mary carry the body across the house. Surely, she could threaten to expose both of these women by selling the story to a newspaper. John was a lot of bad things, but he was faithful and loyal and preserving their honor would be important for him. That would be the key to get him to do what she wanted.

What she wanted was to keep him by her side temporarily. He now had a lot of money and she needed to find a way to spend it or outmaneuver him to gain control of it. He also had a house. She wanted to keep it for herself and eventually have it changed in her name. Then she would sell it - or maybe not. She still had to think about that.

He would ask for the divorce, but she would never give it to him.

Now that she had his letter in her hand, it was time to act. He wanted her to write back and tell him when it would be convenient for her to have him come and talk to her. She decided that she was too curious regarding this "Anna" to have him come to her. It would be better to surprise him by showing up at Downton unexpectedly. With no real time to prepare, it would catch him off his guard and make it easier to get what she wanted accomplished. Perhaps she would get lucky and encounter this woman. At least, she hoped she would. Then she could see for herself what all the fuss was about and determine if she was really an innocent or if he'd already had her. One look would be all it would take to figure it all out. Yes, she would definitely go to Downton. She would take the first train tomorrow

Once there, she would blackmail him with the story and have him come back with her at once. She would separate the lovebirds immediately. They would take up residence in Mrs. Bates' house and she would force him to get a job so that she didn't have to see him all day. She didn't want him using up her money either. She would feign that her intent was for them to be a family again. She would even pretend that she wanted to bed him. She did not want him; she was absolutely sure of that. She would rather not spend any more time with him at all. She could think of at least ten things that she preferred to do with her time that did not include him. No, what she wanted was to see him squirm. Her pleasure would reside in his feeble attempts to remain true to the one he supposedly adores. She would want to break him and seduce him. He was a man, after all, and easily aroused. She would subjugate him easily. His torment afterwards would be her reward.

She wasn't sure if she should bring bottles into the house and tempt him again into a life of alcohol. She'd been miserable once before with all of his drinking and did not want to live in the same house as a drunk again, but getting him back into that life might be necessary if she wanted to bamboozle him out of all of the money. As a drunk, he would be easier to control. If she decided on that course of action, the perfect timing would be when she managed to seduce him. If he felt sorry for himself afterwards, or guilty, having a strategically placed bottle would make it easier for him to fall into that habit again - once a drunk, always a drunk and the appeal would be too much to ignore. Later, she would find a way to discard him. Maybe his own grief would make him do something rash. However it happened, he would be gotten rid of. She had managed to do it once before and she would do it again.

Yes, it seemed that a final plan was starting to emerge. She felt happy - elated even, that things were starting to look up for her again. She got up from the bed and pulled out her valise, realizing that today was her last day in service. She put away both letters, intent on keeping them. She started packing her belongings. She had few and plain things, but that would all change. When she left for Downton tomorrow, she would never come back to the Flintshire residence to work. No, from now on, she would never have to work again. She would have fine things. She would make sure of it.

The End!

* * *

**I realize that Mr. Fellowes is fond of letters to aid plot points. (Daisy with Lavinia?, Mr. Swire and Matthew?, etc.) OK - I love DA enough to buy into this… and thus, putting my own spin on letters, I would seriously like to believe that Mrs. Bates' letter to Anna truly did exist. In my head, it is the only possible reason for Vera ever to have known about Anna. Mrs. Bates would have never told. I will likely follow up with this plot point in another story later…**

**Thank you to all of those who read this story and for the kind reviews, favorites and alerts. I hope you continue reading my others!**


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